Friday, October 07, 2005
following quoted frm other's pples blogg.
i used to look at people's friendster profile and smirk.
sometimes i chance upon lovey dovey couples and i'll think
" ours much better"
sometimes i chance upon those ppl mending over a broken heart and i'll think
"if only they meet you, they wouldn't be feeling this way"
but now,
i only look at couples with a pang of jealousy and maybe a lil hatrad.
i seriously need an output.
//so spare me
OVER since many months ago yet somehow i can talk about it as if everything happen yesterday?
i duno wot kinda r/s are we in now.
its weird. unreal. fake.
definately not friendship.
friends aint ppl who simply wishes each other goodnight
and i tryta find the old you each time i text you. i tryta find the same old feeling back once again.
but it didnt surface.
where are you.. sighh
hurt by trying so many times and the feeling seriously sark.
maybe im just disappointed or cos i was hoping.
i hate to hope cos when you hope, you're actually excepting sth..
sighh,
but i know you're gonna just do fine without me.
infact much much better.
and i wana bowed down to those ppl who can actually remained friends with their EX-es.
believe me.
its sucha torture.
almost emtionally physche as well.
seeing you everytime is like throwing myself into some hot water. slowly drowning plus burning to death.
reality. its fcuking painful each time i see you.
everything just keeps coming back
and sometimes for no apparent reason i'll start to hate you.
sighh.
not your fault i know.
i see your pics every now and then to try to remember wot is actually left.
or wot i actually see in you.
proud of you the moment i heard about the results
yet, i didnt know how i stand ,to be actually prouda you.
proud as you AS WOT.
maybe a word proud will do.
we've been through so much together. and god know's...
from the mild quarrels we have to big quarrels
quarrels that lasted for 3 whole days
maybe even more.
from a simple text to texts that requires much thinking.
from a lil initiative to none.
from all that givin in to none.
from all that tolerance to none.
from baby to a HEY
from all the lil disturbings and teasing to none.
mean words were exchanged but i never really meant to say those hurtful words
and i hate myself for making you tired.
tired...
afterall you became like this cos you were tired.
you were tired frm all my ep and all that giving in.
and when you finally stop all of that.
i never felt so lost before.
never.
its like losing sth out of a sudden and i dun even know how ta react.
believe me.
i used to spent days thinking wot went wrong.
and the reason behind all of it.
why from sucha r/s (wun exactly say lovey dovey kind) to such extreme..
even in korea.
as i told my mates our story, the tears couldn't stop flowing.
it was a downfall.
an outcome i never ever expected.
everybody ask me why.
but i had no replies to a single of their qns.
even making a phone call to you scares the shit outta me.
almost unnatual.
you wun believe i have the count to ten before i start dialing or how many times i actually read your msges before deleted em.
i was regretful about alot of things i overlooked.
for example your feelings.
but when i try ta make it up.
i somehow screwed it up due to my ego.
my dumb ego..
im truly sawrie.
i thought that maybe we can work things out.
but sometimes, our lives dun revolve around ourselves only.
it revovles around our family, likewise friends.
and at that moment it was as if i had to choose either you or friendship..
but believe me.
i love you more than anything else in the world
but sometimes, it isn't just about loving.
it was a lie when i actually told you to let go.
deep down i didnt want to.
but i was left with no choice.
most importantly, right from the start, you didnt belive in forever.
while i did.
you didnt believe in US.
thanks for putting up with me for a year plus.
i know i gave you various probs.
making you as unhappy as me whenever im down.
fcuking selfish.
i guess the more you love somebody, the least that you show that you care.
i never seemed to show that i care and somehow you thought so too
but the truth it you duno how much it hurt when i realise you wun be there anymore.
all your sacasm hurt me like hell =((
BREAKUPBREAKUP
they were never meant to be real though i duno why i kept saying it.
bummer..
and i didnt know the last "let go" will be real.
i thought..
everything was based on my assuption.
every single shit.
when i thought you'll understand, you didnt.
when i thought we will be okay, we didnt.
when i thought you actually love me that much to forsee all my ep.
but you're only human..
sighh.
wot's the point.
its just too hurting to think about all this again.
the days spent with you. i'll never allow myself to forget.
i needa close this chapter.
but i reckon there wun be another who will come this close to me ever again.
not soon. not in da near future.
i've close my doors, shut it tight.
lock it.
no one.like glass, you picked me up but i kept making you bleed. i_________________________________you
i've been living a lie if i say i don't miss you.
___________________________________________________________________
aah. was browsing thru blogs. saw dis super sad entry..
thought of the movie i watched today with dolly,melisa & sokyin.
wait till you're old.
it's sucha nice movie.
touching.meaningful.educational.and wadever you name it.
it just simply teaches you to treasure wad you have now before it's gone.
smtimes lyfe is just lyke a roller coaster. ups and downs.
you may feel worried , afraid , but you noe your friends' gonna be your safety belt and hold on to you tight . thru the whole journey .
likewise , after the ride , or near to the end of the ride .
you will tend to miss it .
you may want to repeat this whole process again .
so what im trying to say is think twice before any actions .
life is a process where you can NVR repeat it again .
your every word, your every action .
your every discrimination , your every word of praise ,
is deeply engraved in their heart .
it's just that they dun show it out .
the more you try to forget smthg , the more excruciating the pain will act on you .
time passes . so fast . we're sec 3 gng to be sec 4 alr .
can't blieve it . are we still gng to keep a distance frm each other over trivial matters ?
perhaps when you know smthg's leaving you , you'll reach out for the very last grip of it .
lols . what the hell im tokingg . nonsensical stuffs .
just feel a bit down after looking at that particular entry .
; dreams will last ` . -
<3 jenmey .
♥
11:45 PM